Long back when I was very ill and there was no hope for me but live that way I never gave up my dreams. Looking at my own incapability there was no way that what I had in my mind would remain anything but a dream. Yet I never gave up my dreams, no matter what. It is another matter that those dreams were not continuous thoughts or dreams in my sleep- but a kind of hope to break out of the shell where I was.
Since then I developed this habit of looking at a complex picture and trying to break it down to its constituents. So now it is a habit with me. When I look at anything, even a person or hear anyone's story I know that I am not getting the complete picture often. So I try to know better. It also keeps me humble and inquisitive- not definitive or certain. I learnt later that it is a good approach even in collaborative action- to remain inquisitive and willing to learn.
It took me a very long time to bring any dream to a concrete stage. But the dream of an organization that would work through the arts in education and health was seen by me in 2005- in the course of a session with my Jungian therapist. As I described my thoughts to her, she quietly scribbled them down and later handed them over to me. I 'saw' my baby long before it was even conceived. But I was still in a lot of fog in my own mind and there was no question of anything except music for me. However, I would just go back to that writing she had handed to me, which I had now with my own hands copied down to a notebook for my reference, and read my ideas now and then. I always believed I would do it someday.
It was another matter that there was no way I was even leaving my home. The only place I would ever go was in my mind- I would keep on thinking of how using my musical training I could solve any real problem in the world. Which was very troublesome for me to think because it made me feel that art could not solve any problems at all! Then I decided to think it all up from the start, from the real bottom of the pyramid.
Slowly the veil began to lift and I began to see the light of day. There was not only clarity but also the road ahead started to show. However, like I said above, the road and everything was only in my mind. Hansadhwani the Foundation was registered in 2010 and I almost did every part of it by myself- with others being there for a bit of it, different people for different parts of the road. The only person who has been there from the start till date is my mother- from the start of my life too :)
Since then I developed this habit of looking at a complex picture and trying to break it down to its constituents. So now it is a habit with me. When I look at anything, even a person or hear anyone's story I know that I am not getting the complete picture often. So I try to know better. It also keeps me humble and inquisitive- not definitive or certain. I learnt later that it is a good approach even in collaborative action- to remain inquisitive and willing to learn.
It took me a very long time to bring any dream to a concrete stage. But the dream of an organization that would work through the arts in education and health was seen by me in 2005- in the course of a session with my Jungian therapist. As I described my thoughts to her, she quietly scribbled them down and later handed them over to me. I 'saw' my baby long before it was even conceived. But I was still in a lot of fog in my own mind and there was no question of anything except music for me. However, I would just go back to that writing she had handed to me, which I had now with my own hands copied down to a notebook for my reference, and read my ideas now and then. I always believed I would do it someday.
It was another matter that there was no way I was even leaving my home. The only place I would ever go was in my mind- I would keep on thinking of how using my musical training I could solve any real problem in the world. Which was very troublesome for me to think because it made me feel that art could not solve any problems at all! Then I decided to think it all up from the start, from the real bottom of the pyramid.
Slowly the veil began to lift and I began to see the light of day. There was not only clarity but also the road ahead started to show. However, like I said above, the road and everything was only in my mind. Hansadhwani the Foundation was registered in 2010 and I almost did every part of it by myself- with others being there for a bit of it, different people for different parts of the road. The only person who has been there from the start till date is my mother- from the start of my life too :)
After the founding this organization nothing really happened and like a little boat I have rocked from this shore of the ocean to that shore- yet not letting the ocean sink my little dinghy nor jumping out of the boat no matter how much anguish, and who all came and went, or who came and did nothing but just jumped on the boat without helping me row even one single oar (Why did I get them there in the first place?) I had no option to leave the boat and no other path to walk but the road ahead. Walking that had made me see red almost every other day of my life and yet here are some of the things I have created out of the whims of my imagination- http://hansadhwanimansa.wordpress.com/. This is the mental health arm of my work- to examine the very roots, shoots and stems of the whole edifice of mental illness and create solutions. Deadly idea actually, and a bit subversive too. But let my books and research do that talk, not this little secret corner.
I am okay being a failure for that is the one thing that I have known closely. But I do not want to be a bad one! So I thought what is the one thing everyone wants? Peace? Happiness. Right? I certainly want peace over happiness. So after taking off on that research flight, this was the next - thing- https://www.facebook.com/Mansa.Hansadhwani.Foundation?ref=hl
The good thing in life which i have got is the company of great academics like Girishwar Misra, Ajit Dalal and Ramakant Agnihotri- all three like mentors to me and two also very dear friends. Like I say in my book now- the trinity of my intellectual universe.
And then came more and more ideas. But no flight of any sort this time, all very connected, grounded things. So this came after that- https://www.facebook.com/PublicArtProduction?ref=hl
While all of this was unfolding I worked on two musical albums as well, after a span of a decade.
I am okay being a failure for that is the one thing that I have known closely. But I do not want to be a bad one! So I thought what is the one thing everyone wants? Peace? Happiness. Right? I certainly want peace over happiness. So after taking off on that research flight, this was the next - thing- https://www.facebook.com/Mansa.Hansadhwani.Foundation?ref=hl
The good thing in life which i have got is the company of great academics like Girishwar Misra, Ajit Dalal and Ramakant Agnihotri- all three like mentors to me and two also very dear friends. Like I say in my book now- the trinity of my intellectual universe.
And then came more and more ideas. But no flight of any sort this time, all very connected, grounded things. So this came after that- https://www.facebook.com/PublicArtProduction?ref=hl
While all of this was unfolding I worked on two musical albums as well, after a span of a decade.
Of course I am not saying anything about the four musical albums of the past that I recorded and now have not many copies of!
And in August 2013- https://www.facebook.com/disability.art.network?ref=hl
So these are the hopes that I planted as little seeds around the world. There are many others which I have not yet put in a form where others can see them...but oh yes, let me not forget this teaching idea of mine- The Kabir singing workshops- to spread music, philosophy and the oral tradition, all in one. (looks like there is no way to upload a presentation here). Click on the link below please
http://www.academia.edu/3984699/Sab_Gaavein_Kabir-_Kabir_Singing_Workshops
"Thank you my brain, though you have been so abused by innumerable intrusions into your natural expressions, you have still managed to keep afloat and not sank down into irretrievable messes forever. So though I stopped the medicines long back, yet you continued to come up with ideas to touch so many people across the world, across any barriers which your conditioning could have limited your scope to.
"Thank you for standing by me and not letting me sink, despite failed messiahs like my psychiatrists and those people in the entire disability and government machinery of this country who think they are trying to 'help' the 'cause' of disability, and 'open' universities that think they can create any meaningful knowledge to solve the problems in this country, or the world! Thank you for giving me the strength to say 'boo hoo' to them and not really in their faces. For in your maturity you have outgrown that need too.
Of course, there are other ideas that keep tossing in this restive, yet peaceful soul of mine- about music, disability research, mental health, the books I want to work on and several are lined up after this first one. Life is short and long- and what to talk about the farmers' cooperative yet- for that is another great dream i harbour! Ah! the beauty of bipolar in order :)
So these are the hopes that I planted as little seeds around the world. There are many others which I have not yet put in a form where others can see them...but oh yes, let me not forget this teaching idea of mine- The Kabir singing workshops- to spread music, philosophy and the oral tradition, all in one. (looks like there is no way to upload a presentation here). Click on the link below please
http://www.academia.edu/3984699/Sab_Gaavein_Kabir-_Kabir_Singing_Workshops
"Thank you my brain, though you have been so abused by innumerable intrusions into your natural expressions, you have still managed to keep afloat and not sank down into irretrievable messes forever. So though I stopped the medicines long back, yet you continued to come up with ideas to touch so many people across the world, across any barriers which your conditioning could have limited your scope to.
"Thank you for standing by me and not letting me sink, despite failed messiahs like my psychiatrists and those people in the entire disability and government machinery of this country who think they are trying to 'help' the 'cause' of disability, and 'open' universities that think they can create any meaningful knowledge to solve the problems in this country, or the world! Thank you for giving me the strength to say 'boo hoo' to them and not really in their faces. For in your maturity you have outgrown that need too.
Of course, there are other ideas that keep tossing in this restive, yet peaceful soul of mine- about music, disability research, mental health, the books I want to work on and several are lined up after this first one. Life is short and long- and what to talk about the farmers' cooperative yet- for that is another great dream i harbour! Ah! the beauty of bipolar in order :)